In the Dark of Night
by ShutUpAndPull
Summary: A fortuitous bit of timing on the anniversary of ep. 2x18 ("Boom!"). A follow-up piece to 'In the Light of Day' in which we find Kate struggling to move on from that morning at her apartment, and faced with staying at Rick's loft in the aftermath of the loss of her case and her home.
1. Chapter 1

_**In the Dark of Night**_

 _ **Chapter 1**_

It seemed the dreams of most were lost to the monotonous beep and blurry eyes of morning, a cruel game of the mind for which no instruction booklet for their recovery existed, one that swallowed both malevolent and magical worlds whole without leaving a trace. There was Kate, though, and each time she now looked into Rick's eyes, it was as though a dam broke and a flood of images came roaring through, uncontrollable and wild. She could still feel the titillating twitch of her body as she had in those seconds before their mouths had met and their sounds had filled her bedroom, and the acute awareness that it'd all existed outside of reality still cut at her like a knife.

But she always found refuge in that place, admittedly one of few, a place of calm amidst the chaos of the hours and days she lived, despite the inherently regrettable need for its very existence. She'd left Montgomery's office and Rick without a word, the two men having seemingly teamed up to pull her both away from the job she leaned on for emotional survival and, even further, under the watchful eye of colleagues she'd always stood beside, not behind.

The shooting range was empty, thankfully, and paper targets hung still and unsuspecting at the opposite end of the room. Kate pulled herself from her leather jacket, tossing it aside with the badge from her waistband before stepping into the fourth firing lane and donning the requisite protective gear for her eyes and ears. Her Glock felt cold in hand, but satisfyingly so, and she drew from its power, even in its passive state. Fifteen rounds in rapid succession hit their mark before she allowed herself to exhale, and she could already feel a marked difference in the weight of her body. More often than not, that's why she came. Bullets were easier than words.

She flipped the switch and drew in her first paper victim, replacing it with a fresh sheet and sending it back out to distance as she readied herself for a second round. She took a notable pause, then, and let his unexpected presence wash over her. It was odd how she knew he was there. He'd neither announced himself, nor attempted to draw her attention, but she knew just the same. She finally let loose on the target with his eyes on her, the sensation almost erotic as it mingled with her coursing adrenaline. "How did you know I was here?" she said, sliding off her earmuffs without turning around.

"I know you don't think I know you, Detective, but I do," Rick answered, his words drawing a warm blush of her skin. "And also Esposito told me to check here. He said this was one of your go-to spots."

He almost had her. She almost laughed. "So I guess it's actually Espo that knows me, then." She set her glasses on the counter next to her twice-emptied weapon. "Look, I just needed some time, Castle, that's all. You don't need to watch over me every second. Montgomery already has that covered," she mumbled under her breath with marked disdain.

"What do you think about when you aim at that paper out there?" Rick asked without addressing her frustration, having stepped nearer than she realized.

There was something beautifully innocent in his question, in his tone of voice, and Kate found herself in one of those moments that'd come to frighten her most, one that brought her face-to-face with something she knew to be true but that she continued to resist with futile might. "I try not to think at all, Castle. I try to be as in the moment as I can be." She finally turned to face him, his eyes staring back at her with genuine wonder. "When I leave this building, I usually don't have the luxury of time. Things happen too quickly."

"You know, this may sound corny," he began, reaching for her first discarded target, "but I really admire what you do." He ran his fingertips along the jagged topography created by her bullets. "I'm sorry if I've never told you that before."

She felt like two different people. There she was talking about living in the moment and not wasting time she didn't have, yet she couldn't seem to allow herself to apply that wisdom to her life outside the precinct, and that made her ache. He was right there, one step away, one small touch away, yet the space between them felt immense. "It doesn't sound corny, Castle." She dropped her chin bashfully as the image of his body above hers in the darkness swept across her mind. "I appreciate you saying so."

"This is all going to be okay, you know. It's all temporary, and I just want you to be safe," he told her, offering what little he could. He knew the blow Shaw and Montgomery sidelining her had landed.

"Not temporary enough," she snapped. "I should be the one out there, not Shaw."

"There's alcohol at the loft, and a lot of it," Rick blurted merrily, apropos of nothing. "Did I mention that? And I know it might not help, but it sure won't hurt."

Kate remembered the wine and the couch and the dark and his mouth. "There better be," she said.

 **xxxx**

She'd been to the loft a few times before, its air wholly suited to its owner, she thought - rich and warm - but her home it wasn't, no matter what Rick had said, and she could practically taste the bitterness in her throat the second she walked through the door. The sting of not having her work to run to, to hide in, only served to heighten the anxiousness Scott Dunn had already inflicted.

"Make yourself comfortable," Rick told her as he pulled off his jacket and settled it over the back of one of the stools at the bar. "Do you feel like eating something? I'm not sure what I have in the house, but we can order in, if you want." He pulled open the refrigerator and disappeared behind its door, Kate just a few steps behind. "Okay, well, I can offer you cheese, some fancy mustard, and whatever's hiding beneath this foil," he called out, not knowing she'd followed.

"You have a child living here, Castle. Do I need to make a call?" she teased, surprised by his disclosure but also not.

He backed up empty-handed and pushed the door shut. "This mockery from a woman whose fridge could be labeled an environmental hazard," he hit back, banter their delicious game. "Or have you already forgotten that little breakfast adventure?"

He had no idea how foolish he sounded. She couldn't will the memory of that morning away; the morning reality had slapped her in the face with its merciless hand. _You sleep okay?_ he'd asked, like he hadn't touched her or tasted her or held her as her body had shuddered in the wake of both. His words she remembered most, and wanted most to forget. "Didn't you say something about alcohol, Castle? It's been kind of a day, in case _you've_ already forgotten."

"Absolutely, yes, sorry, I can do that. I can open some wine or-"

No, she needed something far harder than wine for this. "Whiskey, Castle, do you have any whiskey?"

"Oh, now you're speaking my language, Detective," Rick answered giddily. "It's a poker night staple." He pulled the bottle of Glenlivet from the cart and poured them each a generous swig. "You should come to one of my games with the mystery writers, by the way. One glimpse of you and they'd be putty in my hands," he said with a wicked chuckle.

"In your hands? Like I'm your what?" Kate huffed. "You don't think I could beat you and your buddies?" She swallowed back her first shot of whiskey as he looked on, utterly captivated.

"Well, I'm beginning to think I'd sure like to watch you try," he replied flirtatiously. "I'll try and make it happen one of these days."

She grabbed for the bottle with her free hand and turned to walk away. "You do that, Castle," she said in challenge, moving for the couch. "And tell Patterson if he loses, I get his seat." One drink already found her loosening, though she found it difficult to know whether or not that was ultimately a good thing or a bad thing, given the circumstance.

"My muse ousting my mentor," Rick bubbled. "That's pretty hot."

Kate eyed him sternly. "What have I told you about that word, Castle?" she scolded, dropping onto the couch.

Rick followed closely behind, settling into the opposite corner as she poured herself a second glass. He watched her quietly for a short moment as he often did under the guise of professional interest, though, more often than not, his interest had nothing at all to do with chapters in any book. "Fine, I can apologize for saying it, but not for believing it because, for me, it's the truth." He emptied his glass in one sip and extended it in an unspoken request for more. "You really did save me when you walked into my launch party that night, you know."

"Clearly you inherited your mother's dramatic flair, Castle," she said, obliging with a pour. "But if it wasn't me, it would've been the next cop or agent or whatever."

"Why do you do that?" he groused, not out of anger but out of disappointment. She never let herself see what others did. "Why do you always brush compliments aside? I wouldn't say something like that if it wasn't true."

It was in his tone and in his eyes, the sincerity of the words he spoke, and that's where Kate often found herself in trouble, because she could tell herself over and over again that he wasn't enough of this and he was too much of that in an effort to try and shelter herself from the possibility of being hurt, but there was always his heart and it'd become too much a part of her to ignore anymore. "Not everyone is like you, Castle. Things aren't easy for everyone." It wasn't shame in her voice, more a longing for so many things to be different.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you," Rick said. "I guess I can't seem to do much right today." He drank down his second taste of the whiskey and watched her do the same. Still holding the bottle, she leaned over and served him another. "You were right. Wine wouldn't have cut it tonight."

"Yeah, I'm on a roll. Too bad I have no case to contribute all my brilliant ideas to," Kate grumbled. "And you didn't upset me, Castle. It just is what it is."

He reached for the bottle and she relinquished it without protest. "It doesn't have to be. Things can be whatever you want," he told her, his eyes meeting hers. He poured and set the bottle on the table, each quickly emptying their glasses. "I think I've known you long enough now, Detective, to say with certainty that you can make absolutely anything happen. I've never met a stronger or more courageous woman -person, for that matter."

The alcohol was already beginning to swirl around Kate's brain and she welcomed it. He sat there like a dare, like a prize waiting to be collected, except this time, she could see his face; he wasn't cloaked in the shadows of her bedroom where she felt unexposed and emboldened. _Things can be whatever you want._ Somewhere inside, she felt it, but the imaginary line she'd drawn herself behind suddenly felt like a glass box she couldn't find her way out of, though she could see so clearly what it was she wanted.

"Beckett?" It came from a far-off place, the sound almost muffled on its path to her ear. "Do you want something?"

"Wh-What?" she asked confused, having missed what'd come before and trying mightily to mediate the current battle between her brain and her body.

"I was just asking if you wanted me to order us something to eat," Rick said with a chuckle. "Where did you go?"

She pushed up from the couch, her body warm from the alcohol and her thoughts. "Castle, I think I'd like to just try and get some sleep," she replied softly.

"Yeah, sure, of course, it's been a long day. I'll just show you where everything is." He moved for the stairs and she followed, his question still resonating within her. _Do you want something?_ "I asked Alexis to pull a few things together before she went to her study group, but if there's anything else you need, just let me know. I'm pretty wired, actually, so I'll be up writing for a while."

He led her up to the guestroom, where there were a few basics piled neatly on the bed – some travel-sized toiletries, towels, and an extra couple of pillows. "I'm sorry you guys had to go to all this trouble, Castle. I won't be here long, I promise."

Rick drew his hand along her arm without a second of thought, like it was natural, habit, and she could feel the energy run through her. "The last thing you have to do is apologize, Kate. Like I told you before, I want you to be safe, and I'm glad that…or I hope that you can feel that here. Oh, and before I forget, I'll just slide the invoice underneath the door in the morning so I don't wake you," he teased with a smile.

She couldn't hold back her laughter and they enjoyed it together. "Thank you, Castle," she said, stepping in to kiss his cheek, a move both unplanned and unexpected.

Rick turned his head in surprise, his lips brushing hers by chance, and he nearly jumped backwards in embarrassment, despite her resulting silence. "I didn't mean…I wasn't…I didn't realize what you were doing. I'm sorry," he fumbled. It'd been but a second, a mishap, and both new it, but it'd still felt so far beyond their unspoken boundary that he couldn't help but zealously apologize. "I'm an idiot. I'm going to go," he said, taking a step backwards towards the door. "If you need anything-"

"Rick," she said, "I don't want you to go."


	2. Chapter 2

_**In the Dark of Night**_

 _ **Chapter 2**_

Rick stopped instantly, his hand already on the door, and turned back towards her. He could see her face, despite the soft light of the room, but he couldn't read her expression. "Is everything okay? Are you…is there something wrong?" he said, expressing clear concern.

Kate looked down at the floor and took in a deep breath, let it trickle back out of her as she gathered herself for something she hadn't imagined might come. "I don't know what everything is, Castle, but I know I want you to stay." He took a few steps back into the room and she could feel her heart begin to race.

"Of course I will. Whatever you need," he assured her, his tone as comforting as he could manage. "Honestly, I didn't really feel like writing tonight, anyway. Whiskey doesn't really get my creative juices flowing, at least not in any way my editor appreciates," he joked. They stood near each other for a long moment, neither saying anything more until he finally broke the silence, still worried about what was obviously troubling her. "Tell me what's wrong, Kate. I know there's something."

She backed up and sat down on the end of the bed. "Have I ever told you what my dad said to me when I applied to the NYPD, Castle?"

"You haven't told me that, no," he said with an excitement he didn't dare let on.

"He told me it was a foolish decision and that it would never bring me what I wanted." She drew her fingers nervously along her thighs, back and forth. "I mean, I knew why he said it. I knew he was worried about me and scared and that he couldn't understand why I needed to do it. But I did, Castle, and I still need it every day."

"I know you do," he told her. "I'm here, right next to you, and I see what this means to you every day. And I'm worried and scared, because I care about you, too, but I wouldn't want you any other way." She looked up at him and he quickly realized what it was he'd said. "I mean, I wouldn't want you any other way than the way you want to be," he backtracked without prompting, ever cognizant of her zone of comfort. "And that sentence is exactly why I shouldn't be writing tonight."

That was precisely what she was fighting so desperately to do, to be everything she wanted, even those things that frightened her most. "You make me laugh, Castle," she said appreciating the levity in a moment it was needed. "I'm really thankful to have you in my life for that, and if I've never told you that before, _I_ apologize."

"And also for my stunning good looks and world-class charm, right?" he teased, dropping onto the edge of the bed next to her, though careful not to sit too close.

"Yeah, and I was going to add your modesty, but I guess you beat me to it," Kate lobbed back playfully.

"Touché, indeed," Rick said before the room fell silent once again.

"My dad was wrong, Castle," she said after a moment, returning to a more solemn tone. "The NYPD has brought me something I want, and it's a lot more than just Coonan." She rose from the bed and moved for the door, his eyes fixed on her with each step. She pushed the door closed and swallowed back the knot of nerves rising in her throat. "It's brought me you," she went on, crossing back towards him, the light from behind him casting his face in shadow.

"Kate," was the only word he could manage to formulate as she stood before him with a look on her face he'd never seen before.

"Please just let me do this, Castle," she spoke softly, leaning into him with a hand at his knee to help keep her steady. Her mouth met his, uncertain at first how he might respond, but he welcomed her instantly and they opened to one another. He guided her down onto his lap when their hurried movements began to draw her off-balance, but neither relinquished contact until the need of breath demanded it.

"I can't believe I just did that," Rick exhaled, sounding deliriously satiated. "This is another dream, right? I'm dreaming again." His arms were curled around her, one at her lower back and one beneath her knees.

His words hit her like a speeding train. Her head was swirling. It felt like the scene of a movie playing on repeat, like she was living that night in her apartment all over again but between different walls. "You didn't do that," she said coquettishly. "I did." She pushed in again for another taste of him, memorizing every detail of his effect on her body in case it was all torn from her again. "And what do you mean 'again'?" She pressed her lips against his neck as he fumbled for an answer, her anxieties fading with each passing second.

"You see, Detective, when inspiration that looks like you and talks like you and kicks bad guy ass like you comes into a writer's life, he can't help but bring her home from the office from time to time." Kate hummed against his neck in acknowledgement of his words, but didn't pull away. "Let's just say I've been that writer and you've been that inspiration, and my imagination is very, very healthy." He clutched at the exposed skin at her waist until she looked him in the eye. "Hey, please don't take this as a complaint in any way, shape, or form, but where did this come from?"

"You mean is this the whiskey talking, or Shaw or Montgomery or Dunn?" He watched her steadily in wait. "Honestly, Castle, right now, it's probably partly all of those things." Her fingers tickled unknowingly at the skin of the back of his neck. "But they're not the reasons why. Castle, I'm not doing anything I haven't already spent a lot of time thinking about." She leaned in for him again, but he pulled back.

His lips curled softly upwards. "And you have no idea how much time I've spent thinking about it," he said, pulling her in close. "I just don't want to overstep, Kate, and I don't want you to regret anything later," he said, hoping like mad his words wouldn't resonate.

"The only thing I'll regret is letting any more hours and days go by without doing this," she said. "That's what scares me the most, Castle. Life has already given me too many lessons about how impermanent it is. I see it every day, and everything that's happened in this case has been a really harsh reminder of that. I just know I can't wait anymore. I don't want to wait anymore."

"Come here," Rick said, and he hugged her as tightly as their position would allow. "I'm so sorry this is all happening. Well, not _this,"_ he quickly corrected, "but the rest. I wish I could make it all go away."

"I know you-" The sound of footsteps in the hallway outside interrupted Kate's thought, and they both snapped their heads towards the door, though it'd already been shut.

"It's just Alexis, home from her study group," Rick said nonchalantly, as though they often found themselves kissing in a bedroom across the hall from his daughter. "She has school tomorrow. I'm sure she'll go right to sleep."

"Jesus, Castle, I didn't even…maybe we shouldn't be…" Kate stammered, climbing awkwardly from his lap.

"Why, Detective? Do you make a lot of noise?" Rick quipped with a wag of his brow, attempting to keep her light.

Kate used her hands to quickly straighten her clothes as though she'd been caught at something. "Very funny," she whispered. "Guess you won't be finding out," she countered with her own wag.

"Okay, now wait a second. Let's not be too hasty, here." He stood and held her at the waist. "This is fine, no big deal. I'm going to go say goodnight, okay, and while I do that, you're going to go downstairs to my room and I'll be right behind you." He was only glad his mother wasn't around anymore. He still hadn't figured out how, but somehow she knew everything. He kissed Kate on the cheek and smiled. "I'm not done with you, yet," he told her, and he disappeared out the door.

 **xxxx**

Kate left everything in the guest room and tiptoed downstairs like a teenager sneaking out of her parents' house after curfew. The bottle of whiskey and the glasses were still out on the table in the living room, and for a second she was tempted to stop and partake, but her nerves decided better of it and she headed straight for the office. She'd seen his bedroom from there before, but she'd never been inside, and because the idea of being in there without him felt strange to her, she decided to wait by the windows where she could see the lights of the city.

It was all so surreal, where the day had started and where it had taken her. She'd imagined days ending that way, long before her dream of the two of them together, but it just had to be real this time. The universe would never be so cruel as to take her job and Rick from her at once. Her fingers traced the bare skin of her wrist where her father's watch was usually fastened, and she thought back to his early words that'd thankfully been so wrong. When Rick finally came in and found her, he wrapped his arms around her from behind, her body jumping in surprise. "God, you scared me, Castle," she gasped.

"Where were you?" he asked, settling his forehead at her shoulder.

"I'm here." Her hands found his at her waist. "I was just thinking about my dad."

"What about?"

She managed to spin her body around in his grip. "Just about how grateful I am that he was wrong and that I kept going despite what he said. And I know how many questions there still are without answers, but I'm not as scared about that now, and that's because of you."

"Well, I'm not going anywhere, and whatever answers you want or you need, I'll be here to help you find them," he told her, fighting the urge to say so much more.

Kate kissed his lips softly and grabbed him by the hands. "So, how about the full Casa Castle tour?" she said, eyeing the bedroom over his shoulder. "I'm not ready to be done with you yet, either."

Rick pivoted happily and led her into his bedroom, stopping just inside the entryway to allow them to take it in together. "This is it. This is where all the sleep happens," he said. "And some writing, occasionally, if the words call for a different kind of inspiration."

"Huh," Kate said with a grin, her eyes wandering his private space. "It's very…you, Castle. This whole place is very you. I remember thinking that the first time I was here." She pulled her hand from his and began to slowly wander the room, admiring his art and his trinkets as she went.

"What else did you think?" he asked of genuine interest, his eyes trailing the room right along with hers.

"About the loft? I don't know. I remember thinking it was elegant and dark, kind of mysterious." She looked back over her shoulder.

"Really? Why did you think it was mysterious? I mean, not that that's a bad thing. That is the world I live in, after all." Like her, he couldn't quite believe where she was, where they were, together, and he thought maybe if he kept her talking, she might never leave. He closed in behind her as she stood admiring one of his oversized photographs and he leaned in for her ear. "But you're the mysterious one, not me," he whispered.

His warm breath on her neck sent a shiver through her body, and she bit gently at her lower lip until it passed. "I barely knew you then, Castle. I guess it just felt different than who you were to me at that point." Without turning around, she brought her arm up and over her shoulder, her fingers holding him at the back of his neck. "I like exploring this space, though. This is new you."

"This is new us," Rick said, pecking her neck. "I like that." He clutched her at the hips and spun her around, their mouths finding each other as they never had before. She drew him against her with insistence as she tottered backwards and met the wall, her leg rising along the side of his body of its own will. He grabbed the underside of her knee and held it in place as her hands clutched feverishly at the hem of his sweater. "Whoa, hey, hey, Kate," he exhaled, nearly out of breath, "we don't have to-"

"Castle," Kate sighed when he abruptly backed away, "why…where are you going?"

He extended his hand, feeling and wanting every bit as much as she did, yet unable to quell a nagging tinge of fear about moving faster than she was truly ready for. "Come on, Detective Impatient," he teased. "Come with me." He guided her to the edge of his bed and he climbed on, situating himself at its head before beckoning her with a tap of his hand. "Don't give me that face. Get up here with me. If you do, I'll tell you a bedtime story." He batted his eyelashes in silent appeal. "Imagine how jealous all your friends will be when they find out a world-famous author told you a bedtime story, and in his own bed no less," he boasted.

She crooked her head and eyed him exasperatedly. "I'm sorry. Are you under some mistaken impression I'm going to be bragging about any of this?" She let out a raucous burst of laughter.

"Hey," Rick protested, "don't be mean. I wrote this one just for you, and I promise you're going to love it." He patted the empty space next to him with his hand again and waited.

Kate shook her head, did her best to muffle a grin as she crawled across the bed until her body was curled in beside his, his arm wrapped around her, holding her close. "This better be as good as _that_ was, Castle," she cautioned, "or _that_ might not be happening again anytime soon."

"I see that dangling carrot, Detective, and I'll take it as a welcome challenge," he said, oozing conceit. "Now then, are you ready?"

She flicked her finger at his ribs and he began straight away.

"Once upon a time, there was a man, a handsome man, a master of the written word, and he thought he had everything in life he could ever want: a beautiful daughter, a beautiful home, a beautiful bank account, and the attention of millions of beautiful women." Kate rolled her eyes dramatically, though he wasn't able to see it. "One day, that very handsome man-"

"Oh, he's a very handsome man, now?" Kate interrupted in jest.

"Shush, this is my bedtime story," he scolded, squeezing her arm amidst an overly dramatic pause. "As I was saying, that very handsome man made a decision, one day, one that would change that life forever. You see, he'd lost something along the way. He'd lost the reason why, and that frightened him because it'd all been so easy up until that point. It'd been so easy to hide in the money and the women and the acclaim that he didn't know what to do with that unignorable hunger for something new, for something more. But no one else understood. No one else could see his struggle."

"I know what that's like," Kate whispered, the words coming without premeditation.

Rick leaned down and kissed the top of her head. "Then, one night, out of the clear blue - and this is where it gets really good, by the way - something happened. Someone happened."

"One of those millions of beautiful women?" Kate asked in waggish tone.

"Well, she was beautiful, the most beautiful, in fact, but she wasn't one of those women, no. She was…she was that moment just before the sun disappears below the horizon, that moment when you think what you've just witnessed couldn't possibly be more perfect, but that final burst of brilliant orange shows you just how wrong you were."

"Mmm," she hummed as he continued.

"The writer knew instantly that nothing would ever be the same. He didn't know how. That would come. But his uncertainty and his fear immediately began to fade in those brief moments with her. She, on the other hand, didn't exactly feel the same sureness. For she herself was also lost. Oh, she tried with all her might to hide it, but he could feel it as plainly as he could his own, and thus he waged a fight to win her trust and her heart. He knew it wouldn't be easy. He knew the battle would be long and his opponent formidable, but if he was able to succeed, if he was able to slay the dragon and prove to her his virtue, he hoped she would see that they could face anything, as long as they were together."

Kate brushed a tear from her eye before it was able to tumble down her cheek. "So, what happened?" she asked.

"You mean after he fought really hard for a long time and they almost got caught by his daughter making out in the guest room?"

She giggled past the lump in her throat. "Yeah, after that."

"Well, he asked her if she would do him the honor of allowing him to stand beside her always, against all dragons, in every fight. He asked if she would do him the honor of accepting his love, no matter how much it frightened her. And then she asked him to stop talking and kiss her, which he took as a big yes," he replied. "The End."

Kate pushed up onto her elbow to look him in the eye. "That was quite an abrupt ending, Castle."

"Okay, you got me. So, maybe I didn't write it. Maybe I just made it up off the top of my head in the moment, but, still, world-famous writer, in his bed. I mean, come on, pretty good, right?"

She looked around the room for a quick moment and turned back. "Are you sure Alexis went to sleep, Castle?"

"I'm sure."

"Then stop talking and kiss me."


End file.
